Although Rachel's parents told her that she was born in a manger, the truth is that she was conceived in one. Notheless, she was born with mange, which is good enough for her.

Rachel began performing early, as a singer/dancer in the nation touring company of "Up Yours, People!" She went on to earn a degree summa cum laude in diplomacy from NSU, and you've got a problem with that, you can kiss her big fat ass. Rachel has since gone on to found and direct the militant animal rights group, Free the Scabies, and is widely sought after for her inspirational lectures on topics such as "Desperation: An Underrated Tool in Dating" and "My Needs Are More Important Than Yours."

It is Rachel's calling to become an advice columnist and if you have any advice about how she can do that, please, please let her know.

While Ben met with Bill and Al at the White House during the last administration to discuss AIDS policy issues, Rachel lunched with Hillary and Tipper (they paid) and led a feminist consciousness raising session during which they all found their G-spots while singing Kumbaya. She will be happy to help you find your G-spot anytime, anywhere.

Rachel wishes to extend her love and gratitude to anyone who will have sex with her.